The gloves are taken off, the dogs are let loose, and the fight begins. Or, England must hope ardently. There can be no more false dawns for an Ashes campaign that started with a level of hope that hasn’t been seen in over ten years, but it is now in grave risk of devolving into anarchy.
Is Bazball sleeping or is he dead? Following a mid-tour break in Noosa that appeared to be as restful as spending a weekend in a goldfish bowl, and a series of altercations at the airport that demonstrated how much the media commotion has permeated England’s legendary dressing-room environment, focus now shifts to Adelaide and one last opportunity for Ben Stokes’ team to perform in the way that their mentality had (ostensibly) been trained.
A team that still has the most successful opening partnership in Test cricket since 2019, the No. 1 and No. 4-ranked Test hitters in the ICC, and a group of fast bowlers who, despite Mark Wood’s injury that ended the series, have bowled with rare fury in two of their four innings thus far (though the second innings only lasted ten overs and came after two extremely passive, and match-losing, displays).
But Stokes is aware that the ambitions of his team are already soaring from Port Adelaide. As a result, he was extremely agitated following the defeat in Brisbane, and on the eve of this crucial game, he made an unusually rambling cry to arms. One man’s XL Bully is another man’s Bichon Frise, notwithstanding Stokes’s encouragement for his players to embrace their inner “dog” in the middle of a metaphor.
Australia isn’t exactly known for giving suckers an even break, especially at home, so England will need to get their pack in order pretty damned quickly, regardless of how big the fight is in their dogs. The return of Nathan Lyon from exile and Pat Cummins from injury will make the Australians their strongest XI yet, as if they weren’t already sitting beautifully in the series. The patchwork success of their rejigged top-order has also allayed many of their early-series worries. Travis Head’s recent performance as a No. 5 at Adelaide is frightening for the visitors, as his success as a stand-in opener pales in comparison.
The ledger doesn’t allow for what-ifs, but England will undoubtedly be aware that they missed two excellent opportunities at Perth and Brisbane. In six of their last seven campaigns, going back to 2002-03, their touring teams have entered the third Test 2-0 down and eventually ceded the Ashes with a third straight defeat. Since 2011, their teams have now lost 15 and drawn two of their last 17 games in Australia.
Although it wouldn’t be a dishonour to lose another away Ashes, the first phase of this campaign has shown that Bazball’s combat plans have been dispersed at the slightest interaction with the opposition.
It has been quite difficult to keep up the enthusiasm in the middle of the tour, even on the few occasions when England has not finished second in Australia. Surprisingly, since January 1966—four years prior to the introduction of the one-day international—they have not won the third Test of a series in Australia (which itself happened during the washed-out third Test of Ray Illingworth’s successful tour).
For these reasons, England was prepared to set aside all previous precedents for this campaign, march into Australia using straightforward tactics and clear thinking, and let their vibes do the heavy lifting. In the absence of a clear backup plan, humiliation appears to be a more likely outcome than a fightback.
What other explanation is there for Shoaib Bashir’s unusual exile? He had been Stokes’ pet project for over two years, an offspinner that was nourished and watered like a tomato plant cultivated at home with the hope that he would be ready for England’s salad days this winter. Bashir owed a great deal of his (limited but observable) success to the fostering style of a captain who has now stated that he is done coming up the rear, regardless of his inherent aptitude.
Stokes is back to leading from the front with legacies at stake, which is good news for those who still think that miracles like Headingley 2019 can happen, but bad news for a dressing room culture that has been centred around the collective for three and a half years. An onslaught consisting of Cummins, Lyon, Mitchell Starc, Scott Boland, and Cameron Green will be more than happy to comply if the devil can take the hindmost right now. Has the last four years been a fever dream brought on by recollections of England’s most recent straight-sets Ashes defeat? Perhaps we may soon find out.
Nathan Lyon had played in 100 straight Test matches for Australia before he tore his calf at Lord’s in 2023. He had played 69 straight at home since India’s tour in 2011–12 until being left out of last week’s pink-ball Test. After bowling just two overs in the Perth series opener, he is finally back in the Ashes in a decent setting. With 63 Test wickets in his 14 earlier visits, Adelaide Oval is both the most productive hunting ground of Lyon’s illustrious career and the place where it all started for him as a member of the groundstaff before his unexpected re-routing into the state setup. Despite calling himself “filthy” after being left out for the second time in three Test matches, he says he has nothing to prove. However, his extensive experience is a valuable asset to a side that has a 2-0 lead in the bag in a location that might fit England’s tactics better than most.
When Ben Stokes began his post-Gabba tirade about the “weak men” in his dressing room, who could he possibly be referring to? Jamie Smith could be forgiven for thinking his name was at the top of his skipper’s mind, but it isn’t really a rhetorical question—we really don’t know. In Brisbane, Smith scored 0 and 4 in addition to setting the tone with a drop off Travis Head during Australia’s opening innings. As if that weren’t awful enough, Alex Carey, his opposite number, had one of the best wicketkeeping performances in Australia’s illustrious history. When Stokes criticised Smith for being “laid-back” in his pre-Adelaide remarks, he did appear to be defending himself against criticism, but it seems like his card had already been marked. This occasion’s tensions have been exposed. More blunders are not tolerated.
India
